I should have made this the #1 thing I shouldn’t have to tell you. I really should have, because it’s huge and so obvious.

I shouldn’t have to tell you to read the submission guidelines.

Seriously. You think you know what they say, but you don’t. Read them. I will know that you haven’t. I really will and it’s not going to pre-dispose me to like your submission. Seriously, at least read the short version, it’s right up there at the top and it says:

Short Version:
Simultaneous submissions: Yes
Reprints: Yes
Attached as .doc or .rtf files – NOT in the body of email unless they are poetry
NOT indented

I highly suggest reading the long version because I am rejecting stories unread if they fail to follow the guidelines. I don’t have time to do otherwise

Do you have any idea how many submissions I get that are indented? Would you care to guess how many of them I read?

If you read the long version it says:

Do not tell me what your story is about or include a synopsis in your cover letter. Let the story sell itself.

Would you care to guess how many submissions arrive with a synopsis?

The end of the submission guidelines says:

Hints…
My name is Rhonda Parrish. I am not a ‘sir’ and I get cranky when you address me as such.

The magazine’s name is Niteblade. Not Nightblade, not Niteblayde, not even Knightblade. It’s Niteblade. I get cranky when you spell it wrong.

I get cranky when I have to read stories in the body of an email (poems are okay).

If your submission includes a synopsis I’ll know you haven’t read these guidelines and I’ll be cranky.

It’s best if I’m not cranky before I even start reading your submission.

Just sayin’.

I quite often get submissions that reference the fact they didn’t want to make me cranky. That tells me they read the submission guidelines and makes me like them right off the bat. That puts me in a good mood before I read their submission, which makes me more likely to enjoy it. You don’t need to tell me you don’t want to make me cranky for me to know you’ve read the guidelines — following them tells me that.

I love people who follow the submission guidelines.

Just sayin’.

ETA: I had bad timing for posting this. I apologise. In response to a couple comments on my Facebook about this post I would just like to re-assure people this has nothing to do with reading for the new Niteblade anthology. It’s an ongoing issue not specific to the new anthology (which I haven’t started reading for yet).

Wow.

Issue #9 of Niteblade went live very early this morning. Issue 9! That’s crazy. That’s the third September issue…somehow it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long LOL

There’s the cover. It’s pretty awesome, isn’t it? I think it’s my favorite cover yet, and that’s saying something.

I am so proud of Niteblade, and it wouldn’t be nearly as awesome as it is if it weren’t for several people lending me their skills. The authors, poets, book reviewers and art blogger of course, but also those people who work on it in more depth.

I’m talking about Marge who illustrates the stories and does the cover illustrations for far less monetary reimbursement than she deserves. I mean Jo who does the layout for the .pdf, the cover and edits each and every issue, even though my publishing schedule is in pretty strong conflict with his teaching schedule. I mean BD who does the web layout and is always looking for ways to make it better (and really succeeded this time. Check it out!). Thank you guys. This couldn’t happen without all of you. I adore you all — you rock my world.

Know what else is cool? We’re selling more copies with every issue. Still no where near enough to make money or even break even, but enough to show me that we are growing, and that makes me happy.

Help Catherynne M. Valente

My auction for ad space on Niteblade, a copy of Sister Margaret and a copy of Lost Innocence ends at midnight tomorrow. Right now it has one bid on it (thank you Greg) for $5. Surely we can do better than that? The auction is here please check it out.

In other news, my short story “How It’s Supposed To Be” is up at The Legendary. Sadly, this story was inspired by a very similar situation that happened here in Edmonton not so very long ago.

Help Catherynne M. Valente

I don’t actually know yuki_onna or justbeast . I’ve never read any of Catherynne’s work and they aren’t on my friends list. That being said, when I read about their troubles I wanted to help. So I’m donating ad space on Niteblade, a copy of Lost Innocence and a copy of Sister Margaret to the auction to raise some money for them.

My auction is here. Please stop by and place a bid. For $5 you could win two great things to read and ad space on Niteblade Magazine. Plus, you’ll be help some people who really need it. If you can think of something else I could throw in on the auction to make it better let me know, I’m very open to suggestions.

S.G. Browne’s novel Breathers is about sentient zombies. Can you imagine being trapped in your body while it slowly rotted around you? That’s the reality for these creatures. It’s been described as a zom-rom-com (zombie romantic comedy) and is going to be made into a movie with Fox Searchlight. Pretty sweet. Intrigued? You can win an autographed copy just by leaving a comment on/in the Of Warmth, Of Dragons issue of Niteblade. Each comment will be considered an entry into the draw, and if you buy a .pdf copy that’s 5 entries. I’m making the draw on July 1st so you’ve plenty of time to wrack up (rack up?) some entries if you’re interested.

I’d also like to say a huge thank you to anyone who bought Sister Margaret through Fictionwise and rated it there. Sister Margaret is currently the highest rated title for my publisher at Fictionwise. That is very flattering and makes me incredibly happy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Still working on the psuedo-secret project, though it’s reached the waiting stage. I’m hopeful there won’t be too much waiting involved, but I guess time will tell. The collaborative projects I’m working on are still a going concern – one more than the other. Soon I’ll be able to share a little bit about it, but not quite yet. Sorry LOL Also working on a fun horror short story that I think has a lot of potential…more about that when it’s done

In my non-writing life things are a bit crazy this week. It’s the last week of my daughter’s dance stuff leading up to her year-end recital. That combined with things like vet appointments (for the dog, not me :-p), hair appointments (grey roots just keep on coming back…) and an upcoming visit from my parents have been keeping me busy. Once this weekend is over though, so is dance for the year. That will be a huge relief and cause a large increase in writing time. Time I’ll have to use to finish up this Women in Literature course I’m struggling through for school. Whee!

I won an auction through Brenda Novak’s auction for diabetes reseach this year for a critique by Jim C. Hines. The critique is of one short story or the first chapter of a novel. I -adore- Jim’s work and think he’s just a pretty awesome guy all round so I’m really looking forward to this critique…the problem is, I can’t decide what to send him. His usual genre is fantasy so I could send him the first chapter of Shadows, which is about as polished as I can make it at this point. His feedback would possibly help me polish it further and hopefully help me place it with an agent, or I could send him the first draft of the aforementioned fun horror short story so his critique could help guide my revisions on it and help it get placed. But it’s horror, which isn’t his primary genre.

What do you think? What would you do?