Around my house Christmas is all about food, and while Mrs. Claus doesn’t spend all her time baking cookies that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know her way around a kitchen. Over the next few days I’d like to share some of Mrs. Claus’ favourite recipes with you! Each one of these recipes is written in the voice of one of the incarnations of Mrs. Claus from my latest anthology, Mrs. Claus: Not the Fairy Tale They Say.
Really Good Cookies
A recipe by Bella Claus of “Christmas Magic” by Jennifer Lee Rossman
Season’s greetings, humans! It’s me, Belle Claus, your favorite extraterrestrial and one half of the hottest celebrity couple since William and Kate.
As part of my ongoing attempts to assimilate into the culture of my beloved adoptive planet, I’ve been learning how to bake and today, I’m sharing my recipe for moon cookies. I expect I’ll have my own cooking show and line of designer cookware soon. (Move over, Rachel Ray.)
1 cup chocolate chips
6 tbs butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup flour
1/4 cup powdered sugar
(makes about 24 cookies)
Step 1: Put on an apron. I know, I know, so unflattering, but you don’t want unsightly butter stains on your best dress.
Step 2: Melt chocolate chips and butter, mix in brown sugar. Let it cool.
Step 3: Add eggs one at a time, mix well after each one.
Step 4: Mix in vanilla, baking powder, and salt. Add flour and mix well. At this point, I usually dab a little flour on my nose. Instagram eats that stuff up.
Step 5: Chill dough in a snowbank (or, in a pinch, the refrigerator) for at least four hours. I use this time to bingewatch The Bachelorette with the elves.
Step 6: With your hands, roll the dough into walnut-sized balls. Roll them in powdered sugar until completely coated.
Step 7: Place on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 12 to 14 minutes. Let cool for two minutes, then place on a baking rack to cool completely.
The cookies spread out as they bake and the powdered sugar breaks apart, leaving patches of black and white that remind me of my planet’s cratered moons.
Well, that’s all for today. I’m off to muck reindeer stalls. And by “muck reindeer stalls” I mean “eat cookies while the elves muck reindeer stalls.”
Excerpt from “Christmas Magic” by Jennifer Lee Rossman:
But here we are. It’s Christmas Eve and Nick’s about to leave the North Pole for the first time in nearly a century. Presents are loaded, Nick has been prepped on the use of my shrink ray and cloaking devices, and Rudy’s bioluminescent nostril alterations bathe the scene in a warm red glow.
Everything according to plan.
The rapid fire assault of flashbulbs turn my sincere smile into a practiced grin that does not extend to my eyes as I glare out at the photographers and reporters. I’m going to kill the elf who gave them access.
My husband, on the other hand, is nothing if not a people pleaser. He steps out into the snow, giving them the hearty “Ho ho ho!” they’ve been waiting for, all while posing with his hands on the big bowl of jiggling jelly that is his stomach. Then he walks over to me, and we fake our way through a kiss.
Affection is the one thing we haven’t perfected. He didn’t want to marry me, and I certainly didn’t love the idea of wearing a frilly white apron and baking cookies all day for my old, way too jolly husband. And I could certainty do without paparazzi invading every second of my life and magazines scrutinizing every hairstyle and clothing choice.
“Who wore it better—Mrs. Claus or Princess Kate?” “Mrs. C. steps out in a hideous reindeer-skin jacket!” “Santa Baby Bump!?”
(For the record: I did, it was faux reindeer and that reporter wouldn’t know fashion if it bit him in the jingle bells, and not a chance. Our species can’t interbreed.)