I suck at managing my time. I really, really do. I make plans, I make schedules — they don’t work, or worse, they do for a couple days and then fall apart all around me. My Epic Win! to-do list tells me I’m supposed to make a blog post every Monday, but I’m failing at that too.

To be fair, I’ve a bunch of deadlines kicking my butt.

• Writing, revising and polishing a short story to submit to the Whittakers every other week
• Writing, revising and polishing a poem to submit to the Whittakers every other week
• Writo De Mayo writing goals
• Self-imposed June 1st deadline for this draft of Shadows

There was also a death in the family that, while I couldn’t make the funeral, did have me writing only about my deceased aunt for a few days. It was good, it was cathartic, but it didn’t help with my accomplishing other stuff.

…that sounds so callous. I hope if you’re reading this you know me better than that.

So, anyway, I’ve been busy, busy, busy. So busy that I’ve been thinking of bailing on my daytime raids, which I love. Hopefully things will come together soon though. WdM and the Whittakers, for example, don’t last forever, and progress on Shadows has been great. I just need to suck it up and keep going. In the meantime though, I’ll probably continue to be scarce around here. Thinking of interesting things to blog about is, quite simply, beyond me at the moment.

I do want to thank everyone who has taken the time to email me and tell me what you thought about Lost and Found, or added it to their shelves in GoodReads to tell the world. Thank you -so- very much. I’m writing you each back, honest, but it may take me a little bit. Thank you. Hearing someone say ‘I loved this story’ or ‘I love CHARACTERNAME’ makes me smile like you wouldn’t believe.

I <3 you all.

Truly.

Ever feel like Dory? I don’t usually post videos here but I’ve had Dory stuck in my brain an awful lot so far this month, so I thought I’d share the expirience.

I feel rather a lot more like I’m drowning than swimming these days.

I’ve fallen behind on my psych course and frankly, I don’t know what I was thinking taking it in the first place. It’s a history of psych course which requires more memorization without context than my brain is used to handling. I read things, I understand them, I move on, I forget them. It’s horrible. So it’s taking me far longer to wade through than it should, but I’m still trying.

It’s also NaNoWriMo month and I’m embroiled in that again. Here’s the thing. The past few years NaNoWriMo has been a cake walk for me. I type pretty fast and if I turn off my inner editor it’s ridiculously easy for me to pump out 50,000 words in 30 days. However, I’m at a stage in my writing where I’m not interested in writing crap. I also no longer type my first drafts. Since the last NaNo I’ve switched to writing my first drafts out long hand. (I think I blogged about this before, I’m not going to go into detail about it again today). While I may be able to type a few thousand words an hour I can’t say the same for my writing. I have horrible handwriting and if I want to make it legible enough to be able to read it later, that takes time (and it’s still horrible). The process is also slower for mental reasons as well as physical — I think about what I’m writing more longhand. That makes for less crap, but more time.

Time is not something I have a lot of right now.

Danica and I have fallen behind on our poetry prompts, and I’ve only done one zombie poem since the month began.

Right now things aren’t looking good LOL

Not for NaNo, not for many of my November goals. School, obviously, has to take priority over NaNoWriMo or zombie poems (and to some extent even over my project with Dani), so I’ve been giving it most of my attention. Trying to fit other things in in between. It’s been an adventure.

I considered switching back to typing for November, but decided I’d rather keep working slowly toward having a reasonable first draft of this novel eventually than writing 50,000 words in November just to keep up a record or win a .pdf certificate I’m unlikely to even print.

Wow, I sound cynical.

I’m not… at least not as much as that sounded. I’m still hoping to cross the finish line, I’m working to re-arrange things and find some more writing time and get through this coursework too. I haven’t given up yet, but I am feeling more than a little overwhelmed.

But, I’m still swimming.

How about you?

Today is Danica’s birthday.

It’s not just any birthday though, today my little girl turns thirteen. Thriteen. Wow. So now I’m officially the mother of a teenager. And not just any teenager, a freaking awesome one.

For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure to meet Dani, let me tell you a little bit about her. Danica is clever, funny and creative. She loves rice, ice cream and tofu and up until recently wouldn’t eat a green vegetable without a significant amount of coercion. She’s a huge fan of horror movies (her favourite movie when she was 3 was Interview With a Vampire), enjoys singing, drawing and hanging out with her family. The most remarkable thing about Danica, however, is the size of her heart.

Last year at the end of the year her teacher passed out personalised presents to all the kids in her class. On each of them she’d chosen one word she thought applied to that particular person. On Danica’s she’d written “Benevolent” and I think she hit the nail on the head. Danica has got the biggest, kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.

I love her to pieces and I’m so very proud to be her mother, and honored to have been able to watch and help guide her as she grew up to become the wonderful young lady she is today. The teenage years are challenging ones, there is no denying it, but they are also exciting and full of potential. I have no doubt Danica will navigate through them with style and grace and continue to make me more proud than I could ever express.

I love you Goober, happy birthday!

Ever since Dani was very, very small we’ve baked together. At first she was actually so little she couldn’t sit up in her highchair without help and I’d have to tuck towels in around her to keep her upright, so she was just sort of watching what was going on. Now, she is more often than not to be the one in charge of the baking with me acting as supervisor and sometime assistant. It’s a happy coincidence then that my friend Beth is asking her friends to share some of their favourite recipes over the next few days in order to celebrate the publication of  her baking-related story in the Mountain Magic anthology coming out on the 9th.

I’m going to share my favourite chocolate chip cookie recipe. I know, that’s kinda mundane, everyone has a chocolate chip cookie recipe, but to be honest, whenever we make chocolate chip cookie dough around here odds are we’ll nom it before it ever gets baked. So what follows is a recipe I’ve found is fantastic in both the cookie and dough states. And Danica agrees. Enjoy

Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 Cup butter (salted and softened)
1 Cup packed brown sugar
1/2 Cup white sugar
1 tsp of sale
2 tsp vanilla extract (real, not imitation. It matters, honest.)
2 eggs
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/4 Cups of flour
Chocolate chips
Skor bits (optional)

If you can do this in a mixer than you get bonus points. I sometimes start out with the hand mixer and then switch to a fork for lack of a funtastic uber mixing machine.

Cream the butter and sugars together, then add the salt and vanilla and mix it until its fluffy. Add the eggs and the baking soda and give it another mix, then start adding the flour. Finally add the chocolate chips and skor bits if you’ve got them. Drop by the spoonful onto a greased cookie sheet and back at 350 for about 11 minutes.

Nom nom nom!

Check out Beth’s recipe at her blog: Catch A Star As It Falls.

This post is kinda depressing, so I’ve decided to lighten it up with a couple cheery pictures I took of chubby little birds. Yay birds!

My ‘day job’ is writing advertising copy and descriptions. I often joke that my job is one that any monkey (who has been taught about search engine keywords) can do, but sadly my biggest clients have come to that same conclusion as well. They are automating most of the jobs I used to do and the one huge job I had which they couldn’t automate is now done. Done. This means that I am, for all intents and purposes, unemployed.

That, frankly sucks.

It especially sucks to be replaced by a computer. It really does, no matter how much I’ve joked about it in the past, the reality sucks.

So the good news is that I’ll have more time to finish up the mountainous pile of things on my neverending to-do list, but the bad news is, no one is going to be paying me as I do it. My plan is to do that; work on getting some of these things that don’t repeat (schoolwork, colaborative projects etc.) done and then, with Jo, reassess and decide on a next step.

Unfortunately all I can get in the traditional job market are minimum wage service industry jobs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve held them before and in some ways have actually really, really enjoyed them, but meh. I’ve been spoiled. Spoiled by being about to pick my own hours, to see Dani off to school and be here when she gets home again, to have time to write in the afternoons and volunteer my time at the local elementary school. All that goes away if I take a job outside my house, and if I’m doing it for minimum wage, well, there are only a few jobs I can think of that I won’t be very resentful of. Happily, those few jobs do exist and they could be fun and have advantages of their own.

So yeah, things are pretty up in the air for me right now. I guess we’ll see what happens in a few weeks when I’ve finished some of these other things. In the meantime I’ll have a little extra time and who knows, I might even get this house clean. I won’t be washing the walls anytime soon for fun you understand, but you know, a little extra attention would probably not be a bad thing.

So, I consulted the random number generator and it chose a winner from the subscribers of my mailing list. It did, and I’m pleased to announce the Patricia W. will receive a free copy of Shades of Green just as soon as she emails me and sends me her mailing address. I have also dropped her an email to let her know.

Congrats Patricia!

Do you want to win a copy too? Like I said I’ll be running a contest closer to the release of Lost and Found to give away a copy of Shades of Green, but instead of having to like, think of something interesting to blog about, I’ve also decided to do another giveaway on GoodReads:

Also, if you use Goodreads and we aren’t friends there? We really need to rectify that Send me an invite, I would love to hook up with all my friends over there.

It occured to me that there have been some publication changes recently which I’ve never blogged about. I’m going to do that now, and offer up some of my thoughts about them at the same time.

One relatively big change around here is that my contract with Eternal Press recently expired and we parted company. The split was amicable and the end result is that all the rights to Sister Margaret have reverted back to me. I’m hoping, one day, to be able to put together an Aphanasian stories collection, and Sister Margaret will definitely have a place in it. In the meantime you can now read it, completely free, here. While it was originally published by Wild Child Publishing I felt that the first issue of Niteblade needed a bit more fantasy and reprinted it there. Of course once I included Sister Margaret I suddenly got a bunch of fantasy submissions, but whatcha gonna do?

I took it down while it was contracted to Eternal Press, but now I’m allowed to share it with you for free again

Also, you may remember that my zombie munchkin story “…Oh My!” was one of the runner-ups in the Dark Moon Books ZOMBIES! anthology contest. I was estatic. They’ve recently made some changes though that meant that anthology was canceled. The editor offered the story a spot in their upcoming magazine (The Dark Moon Digest), but I passed. Nothing against the editor or the magazine, which I will consider as a market for future work, I just didn’t think the magazine was where I wanted the story to go.

Originally I thought my hesitation was due to the fact I really wanted it to go in an anthology rather than a magazine, but I’ve since submitted it to a different magazine (*fingers crossed*). Truth is, something about it going into the Dark Moon Digest just didn’t feel right. I’ve ignored that feeling in the past when it came to my writing and I always regret it. This time I listened. It meant giving up a ‘sure thing’ and having to look for a new home for that story, but still, I’m glad I listened.

I’ve not always been very good at listening to that little voice inside me, but I’m getting better. You know why? Because I realised that I’ve never regretted it when I’ve listened, but I sure have when I’ve ignored it. How about you?

I went to the Whittaker website today to see how I’d done overall and blog about it (my goals were not result-based) and discovered it isn’t over.

Wow. Oops?

Somehow I thought the last round was the final one, but I was wrong. Now, I need to come up with a story and a poem to submit before tomorrow evening. That leaves not much time for blogging.

I have a poem I editted the crap out of for the last round’s entry but because of another brain fart about time zones I submitted it an hour after the deadline and it was disqualified. I can send that for my poetry entry…but I have no such easy save for fiction.

This will be interesting…

I’m supposed to write a blog today. It’s something I told myself I would do. I even, at one point, had a little list of possible topics. Unfortunately I’ve lost my list and my mind is totally drawing a blank. I’m going to blame it on the fact it’s the last day of school. Really. It’s fantastic for kids but it’s also an important day for we parent-types.

Today is my daughter’s last day in elementary school. Come September she will be in junior high.

Man, I remember being both excited and terrified to start junior high… it doesn’t actually feel like it was -that- long ago, but apparently it was long enough that now it’s my daughter’s turn.

Oh see? I just got a good blog idea, but one that deserves a post of it’s own so it will have to wait until Thursday… unless I take Thursday off (it’s a holiday in Canada).

I’ve noticed a large number of my LJ friends aren’t using LJ these days. I think it’s time I spread(ed?) my wings a little bit and made some new friends. What livejournal users do you follow you’d recommend I check out?

In writing-related news I’m slowly extricating myself from my self-doubt and other emotional baggage and will be putting pen to paper on this draft of Shadows again very soon. It’s about time, frankly.

/rambling

I had a blog post almost completely written, then I stopped to think and realised despite my best intentions I was coming across as petty and bitter. I don’t want to be *that* writer so I stopped. It’s made me think a bit about writer brand/personality, oddly enough. I’m not sure what mine is. I’ll never be as nice as Carrie Jones, as funny as Jim Hines, or have Neil Gaiman’s hair. I’m just me, I guess. Usually nice, often snarky, hopefully occasionally amusing…me.

Who are your favorite authors? Do their personalities have anything to do with how much you like them or is it all about words on the page?

I know I’ve been known to read books I really didn’t enjoy because I liked their author as a person, and one writer I saw at a convention was so dry and arrogant I swore I’d never read anything they’d written, so I’m definitely influenced by people’s personalities. Strongly, in fact. I’d be willing to bet I’m in the majority there.

The internet has been a blessing to writers who are charismatic and no doubt a curse to those who aren’t. My intention for this blog is to just be myself, but maybe on the days my entries start to sound like they were written by *that* writer I’ll just take a step away from the keyboard before I hit the publish button.

…mostly.

Last week I blogged a little bit about my critique group, and some of the comments were quite thought provoking. One thing I was reminded of was the very first time I met with my critique group.

I’d discovered the ‘Edmonton Writers’ group on Facebook group and joined, mostly, to have my profile say I was a member of ‘Edmonton Writers’. Sad but true. I had no intention at all of using the forums, making friends or meeting with any of the people there. But I did. I don’t remember all the details, but I think I was eventually worn down by repeated event invitations to join the weekly critique group. Eventually I said I’d go.

They were meeting at a Second Cup downtown and Danica was away for the evening, so Jo and I went out for dinner and then made our way to Second Cup.

I was nervous. Really nervous. I had no idea what to expect, whether I’d like the people there or they’d like me. I didn’t know how many there would be, or what their meeting format was, but I went. I went, but I had a planned out. Jo was going to sit and read in a different section of the coffeeshop than the meeting was taking place in. If I needed/wanted to leave I could just use him as my excuse and bail. You know, “Well, this has been fun and I’m sorry to run out early but my husband is actually waiting for me. Maybe I’ll see you next week.”.

To make a long story short I didn’t use my out and Jo, wonderful husband that he is, sat and read for two hours while I hung out, listened to critiques and met the group. I met my best friend, BD, at that critique group meeting, and that group eventually evolved to be the one I meet with still, so to say that I’m glad I went would be a vast understatement.

We found out later when I confessed to the group that Jo had been my ‘out’ that at least one of the other members had also set up quick escape plans. Just in case.

Also, how awesome is Jo for hanging out for two hours just in case?